I had therapy again today with Susan. Dh and I go together tomorrow.
I discussed with her my theory of coping strategies. She agreed that he may be avoiding adopting as part of his coping strategy, but she quickly noted that he has good reason for waiting (being married longer, finances to adopt, etc.). So, I’m not sure how much validity my theory had. We discussed dh’s avoidance (which in turn leads to procrastination). I think this is a topic we’ll need to explore in much greater detail, as his procrastination and my insane sense of urgency (to say the least) causes more than the occasional rift in our marriage.
I told her I can hardly handle the reality of my life. That is a scary thought, one that is still new to my being. I expressed my self-hatred for all the feelings of jealousy, envy, hatred I harbor within myself. Those too are unfamiliar feelings. She seemed to have a peaceful confidence in knowing that we will prevail through these impossible times. I appreciated her peace and I expressed my own desire for peace & contentment. Assumingly, that is the search we will continue…my search for peace.
