I thought for sure, if I have to sit through an entire dinner (voluntarily) with my pregnant friend as her belly stares back at me, I will surely die. I sat through dinner last night with her, and I’m still here this morning. I suppose that means I didn’t die, although I still wonder if my heart is in tact. My body survived, I am alive, but the verdict is still out on the longstanding damage inflicted upon my heart. Surely, it was worsened by the pregnant hostess and pregnant waitress. I couldn’t even believe that all three people around me, all night long, were pregnant. Thankfully, my friend was not showing yet, but the waitress and hostess were ready to deliver that night, it was almost as if I could see the actually baby through their belly. As the 9-month pregnant waitress asked for our drink orders I could feel my body tensing up, as if to prepare for a crash. I wasn’t sure how I would respond if my pregnant friend ordered a coke. I couldn’t even imagine, if I was blessed with a baby growing inside my body, subjecting that little life to high fructose corn syrup and unnecessary liquid calories. Thankfully, she ordered water. I did too. As we prepared to order our entrees, I braced myself again, although this time is wasn’t as severe. I’m not sure what on the menu I thought was “bad” to have while pregnant. Since I’ve never been pregnant and never will be, I’m not exactly the expert on baby-friendly foods. The soda is an obvious one: high fructose corn syrup is horrible for adults so it definately cannot be beneficial for a growing baby, but the menu items I was less certain of. She ordered steak, medium well. I’m a vegetarian and I’ve never paid attention to how she normally orders her steak. I wondered if the “well” after the “medium” was her personal preference or an attempt to fill her body with more throughly cooked meat. I’m still uncertain. We ate, we talked, I never brought up the pregnancy or asked how she was doing. I feel badly that I couldn’t express concern for her current expecting state but I wasn’t sure if I could withstand the answer. If she didn’t beam with perfection with the thought of her own self being pregnant I’m not sure how I would have responded so I ignored the topic. We left at 9:00 p.m., we spent exactly 2 hours together. And I didn’t die after all.
August 23, 2008
…and I didn’t die after all
Posted by ourgift under Everyone else is pregnant | Tags: food, pregnacy |1 Comment
October 12, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Sigh…this post makes me sad. Mostly because if you feel out of control now in regards to the choices that your pregnant friends are making in regards to the babies that they will raise how will you cope when you go through the adoption process and have no control whatsoever about the choices the birthmom will make about your baby who you are going to raise. Right now a good friend of mine is dealing with huge behavioral issues with her two boys she adopted as infants- the issues are the direct result of choices of the birthmother and were unknown to her at the time. And now she is left to deal. When we tried to adopt domestically we were presented with a birthmom who drank several SIX PACKS of beer while pregnant. I was so desperate to be a mommy that I compromised my own values and agreed. Thankfully that birthmom chose to raise her own child. I can only imagine. I worry for how you are going to cope with how out of control you are going to feel throughout the adoption process. Infertility is hard, rough, traumatic. But adoption is a rollercoaster that you never get off of. Truly. Take care, Christine